Difficult decisions

And now, on to something slightly more substantive. Last Thursday, I was invited to the oral section of the Foreign Service test. Normally, I would be ecstatic. But, I find myself in the odd position of having something I have planned for within reach and, at the same time, feeling incredibly conflicted about it. Why? Well, there are a couple of reasons. First, having seen the Department of State from the proverbial trenches, I have some reservations. It certainly isn’t a job you can back into, since it demands a degree of dedication which few other jobs match (I don’t mean to disparage doctors, lawyers, or anyone other career, who certainly dedicate huge amounts of time to their career, but few ask that you relocate to the other side of the world). Furthermore, there is a certain elitist vibe in the State Department (though not in the Embassy I currently work, where everyone is down-to-earth) which tends to chafe my Midwestern sensibilities. Of course, both of those concerns are relatively minor, due to the fact that my wife is already a FSO with the Department of State and, by and large, I am going to run into these minor annoyances regardless of whether I pass the test.

My second concern is far less about the reservations I have about the milieu surrounding the State Department abroad and more about the job itself. When I signed up for the Foreign Service Officer Test, I was asked which cone I would prefer (In the Foreign Service, there are 5 cones: consular, economic, political, management and public diplomacy). At the time, I was starting my job at the Embassy in Brazzaville, and found the work I was doing in Management to be rewarding. Thus, I chose the management cone. However, since I took the test, I have gained a much more realistic perspective on the management cone and though I still enjoy portions of my job, I have come to the realization that there are many parts of my job which I do not enjoy and, frankly, for which I am ill-suited. Now, I know what every reader of this blog (roughly 3 people) is thinking: welcome to real life, jackass. Don’t get me wrong, I agree completely. Every job has its upsides and downsides, why should I expect anything different? Honestly, I don’t. But, I still think that it is fair to ask; at what point do the negatives of a job outweigh the positive aspects? Though I don’t want to go into the gory details of my issues with my job (because, at the end of the day, my concerns are mine alone) I do think that I may have reached the tipping point where the negatives may have begun to outweigh the positives.  The things that I do like, however, namely working in international work and having close contact with local staff, are available throughout the foreign service, so I know that my concerns are not with the organization as a whole.  Some of the concerns I have may also be relevant only at this embassy, and I may end up finding a great deal of satisfaction from management work.

I think these questions and concerns are especially pertinent since, were I to pass the Foreign Service Test, I would have something resembling a career in the management cone. Of course, I could always decide that it wasn’t for me, but with my wife continuing to work as a Foreign Service Officer, I am not sure that burning bridges with my most likely employer by opting out after one tour of duty would be a smart move. However, my other options have their downsides as well. My first option would be to attempt to find jobs in international development at each subsequent post. While this would likely give me a wide breadth of job opportunities, it would be problematic due to the fact that I would essentially be starting over with each move and the possibility that my wife could be stationed somewhere like Paris, where international development does not exist. I could also apply for USAID Foreign Service jobs, which would be great due to the fact that I would have a government job focusing on development work, and that the US government would try to place my wife and me together. At this point, this is the most attractive option on the table. Despite this, if I were to take this path, my wife and I would likely spend a great deal of time apart, due to the fact that officer postings for Department of State and USAID do not match up (2 years vs. 4 years). Also, there are currently no job openings with USAID, though I have been assured they will open soon. My final option is to take the Foreign Service Test again, in a different cone (likely econ or political, which match up with my education). I will probably also pursue this, but will have to wait until I am eligible to take the test again (roughly June).

Ultimately, I will take the orals in November, because it will be good practice and I don’t want to eliminate the management option entirely. Honestly, it is a notoriously difficult test, so I wouldn’t be surprised in the least if I don’t pass and my concerns become a moot point. But I will also have to make some tough decisions about my next career step, especially due to the fact that my wife will be going to Pakistan next, a place I will not be allowed to go due to security concerns, unless I find a job at the Embassy in some capacity. I also know that simply being a househusband will not work for me, and that I want to begin a career in the international realm sooner rather than later. So, faithful readers, what say you? If you were in a position where you may have an opportunity in a field that you had genuine doubts about, but your other options were either unclear or logistically difficult for your family, what choice would you make?